Logish Lifestyle

I had been working on the site and decided at the last minute to just use Wordpress. I do not think I will be abandoning this blog though...

Logish Lifestyle Teen Wicca Journal

Nope, not the third cycle of America's Next Top Model; it's my third cycle of unease, the kind you get when you are stressed or depressed. This time, not that bad. Albeit so, having found the 'cure' for depression and not following through with plans to develop and practise the methods due to laziness and my cavalier attitude, is not only shameful but a waste of my time. They actually work...

Alright! I confess myself to be a person of inaction. Not because of fear, but laziness and lack of motivation. I must take action and not procrastinate any longer! If only I had a time-turner...

Back to normal probably ten days prior to this entry. My only reason for not blogging is my habitual knack for inaction.

Just a little update on my well-being -I think I have insomia. Oxymoronic as it is, I get worried over being unable to sleep when I am atop my loft bed; So worried that morning arrives, by the time I truly descend into a peaceful lull. Oh, not to mention, my bladder seems to be full at night time; I seem to spend half the time in the lavoratory. Obessessive compulsive disorder? Maybe... Might I suggest that someone fart in my face and make me faint. At least I would more or less, be "asleep".

Enough said.

Ciao...

Need be this stage when I take a break from this blog. Be it an hour, day or week. For now, I cannot focus my mind to write something without explaining every of my single action(my fear, paranoia on how I will be judged had heightened).

I am sorry...

 

Incidentally, I have noticed that I have done nothing much to increase readership. For want of a better explanation -I did create the website but it was assumingly removed by my host. It will be back up soon.

Thank you all, my readers. I think I have grown rather fond of having my two German readers who visit the site every month. Let me also take the opportunity to tell you that I would appreciate comments, good or bad(and reasonable). I do not gurantee a reply though.

Obviously, my state of mind has made me forget about what I stand up for. Time is essential for me to return.

Sorry, I must have experienced a mighty vestige of lunacy previously. I need to regain my sanity, urgently. No longer can I let this go on; I need to remind myself of some things that matter.

Yes, depression. Of all things I get depressed over -the oddest would be getting depressed over depression; my sudden lack of control. If I do not stop this, I would probably end up like Edgar Alan Poe, whoose literary works are exemplary by the way.

Calmer now, but I wonder if my sanity has transcended my mind.

"To say it aloud would be to make it final, absolute, irretrievable." -I quote this from page 724 of Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix. This is indeed, immensely true.

Today, finally, I made a statement. No longer could I wallow in denial for what had been the cruellest truth. Perhaps the day after, the truth would turn untrue. Sincerely, I hope so, for it would have been for the best.

With regard to my actions, I needed acceptance of the truth and maybe I got it. However, I regret that I made that person uncomfortable, perhaps to the extent of making myself feel like a dirty animal. Yes, confused, and utmost fear. Here I stand alone, not one knows the extent of how I fear being unwanted by family and some friends. My mind, which has extreme power, hurls me into a state of paranoia; it is working against me. My only escape: The world I create for myself, where I remain in control; the fantasy of the night.

Thereby, I still maintain that I have no motivation to live on. No, not suicidal but, if an accident happens, pray my death will come; I seek and crave to be liberated. Really, I am going on brain overdrive. It would not shock me if I were to go mental soon. Afterall, part of my soul has been killed.



I am waiting...