Logish Lifestyle

"To say it aloud would be to make it final, absolute, irretrievable." -I quote this from page 724 of Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix. This is indeed, immensely true.

Today, finally, I made a statement. No longer could I wallow in denial for what had been the cruellest truth. Perhaps the day after, the truth would turn untrue. Sincerely, I hope so, for it would have been for the best.

With regard to my actions, I needed acceptance of the truth and maybe I got it. However, I regret that I made that person uncomfortable, perhaps to the extent of making myself feel like a dirty animal. Yes, confused, and utmost fear. Here I stand alone, not one knows the extent of how I fear being unwanted by family and some friends. My mind, which has extreme power, hurls me into a state of paranoia; it is working against me. My only escape: The world I create for myself, where I remain in control; the fantasy of the night.

Thereby, I still maintain that I have no motivation to live on. No, not suicidal but, if an accident happens, pray my death will come; I seek and crave to be liberated. Really, I am going on brain overdrive. It would not shock me if I were to go mental soon. Afterall, part of my soul has been killed.



I am waiting...